Happy Administrative Professionals Day! You deserve it--all that work you do! So... yeah! Great. OK. Yeah... [wander away, letting that last "yeah" trail off into a half-laughing low drone.]

That's been my morning so far, it being Administrative Professionals Day, or APD, if you're into acronyms. It is APD. Working in Administration, as I do, I qualify for the A, but the P is strictly gratuitous. And the D, well, everyone can glom onto the D. So, today is just AD for me, just like every other D at this F J.

I think that my obvious lack of enthusiasm for APD might explain the diminishing rewards I've received over the last three years at this job, as follows:

• Year One: Enthusiastic group delivery of mixed bouquet of flowers, card signed by coworkers/superiors recognizing and expressing gratitude for all my "support," assorted pastries, bottle of lavender cologne. (My reaction: "Fuuuuuuuuuuuuck....") (Silently. I am not a total hayseed.)


• Year Two: Box of donuts brought in by boss for entire department. (When I reached for one, he suggested cutting it in half, as "it's pretty big.")


• Year Three, i.e., this year: [whistle of wind, cue tumbleweeds] Boss moves decorative mylar "shooting star" table display from the supply closet to my desk, to represent my stellar status, claims that he appreciates me EVERY day.

I think this year's "celebration" beats the others by a wide margin, if only because it required no expression of thanks on my part and allowed me to complain about it here, to you, my dear, dear friends.

Have I told you lately how much I appreciate all you do for me? Yeah. I do, you know. Great! You deserve it! OK.

Yeah... heh heh... uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...kay.