This opening paragraph represents an exercise I'm undergoing, in the interest of Being The Bigger Person. I'm trying to let all the bitterness and resentment seeeeeeeeeeeeeep out of me like toxic gas from a coal mine, seeping and seeping away, so as not to cause a dangerous explosion when sparked by irritating coworkers. So I am carefully trying to eliminate all sarcasm and venom from my tone. It's kind of working, don't you think? (This type of exercise requires a lot of external approval, so kick in, y'all.)

The reason for my carefully modulated, cheerful tone this morning, as well as my cute, cute shoes and hairstyle and dangly earrings is: Today's the day the new graphic designer, Conni, starts.

I have been anticipating this day with something just slightly less than dread, and had just about managed optimism when I ran into her on the way in to work this morning. She was getting a tour of the parking lot from my coworker Micaela, who introduced me thusly: "And here's Violet, our graph... uh... office secretary!" (Cue frozen smile on my face.) So, I smiled a bit frostily and corrected her with my actual title, which does NOT include the word "secretary," and ignored Conni's stare and very obvious checking-out of my outfit from head to toe.

So, on first impression, I would maybe have guessed that Conni is a former news anchor or weather girl. That assessment is based solely on the hair, but I feel it's accurate. I'll have to ask.

Later, after her tour of the parking lot, I was formally introduced to her by my boss, and can report the following:

1. She has a firm handshake.
2. She speaks in the Quack. Kind of a husky Quack, at that.

Maybe the Quack just comes out when she's nervous. I'll have to give her a chance. Yes. That's what I'll do. And then I will go start my own Hands Across America program, only on boats, so it will be like, Hands Across the Pacific! or like that. Maybe I should just concentrate on the coastal region--San Diego to whatever is up above San Francisco. Oregano, or whatever.

Really, if I'd get off my ASS! and find a better job, I wouldn't have to witness any of this, and hence, neither would you.

Star of the day. . .Maggie Gyllenhaal