Hear our prayer

On the refrigerator at the Keelhauler's dad's house is a letter from Uncle Peter, who was known as Father Peter until ten years ago, when he quit the Catholic priesthood. Ten years have done little to change the way Peter talks--even when he writes, he seems to be addressing a parish of devoted listeners, and he is fond of the words "special," "caring," and "treasured." Example: at a recent gathering, he suggested that all his siblings write down recollections of their parents in a guest book he provided for the occasion. "Everyone can write in it and pass it along, and then it will become a Treasured Memory," he explained.

I commented later on the idea of creating treasured memories. "Violet," said the Keelhauler in a soothing tone that neatly mimicked his uncle's, "We must not make fun of Uncle Peter. He has a unique and special way of expressing his caring, and that is how he shows his love for us."

In the letter on the refrigerator, the text littered with exclamation points, Uncle Peter joyfully announces that three masses have been scheduled at the Immaculate Conception church, Dedicated to the Loving Memory of his parents (the Keelhauler's grandparents). He lists the dates, and suggests that those unable to attend spend the time in "Prayerful Reverent Thought."

The letter has a brief description of his activities, and a mention that he's working part-time. "I want and need full-time employment," he stated, asking for prayers and adding, "Thanks for caring." I'm not exactly sure what type of work he'd like, but he's smart, and very personable. In fact, except for significant differences in vocabulary, Uncle Peter reminds me a lot of our friend Stephen, who for years managed a chain of adult book stores. I thought about suggesting the idea to him, but didn't want to risk offense.

On a related note, Scarlett is also looking for work, having recently been laid off from one of her three (count 'em, three) jobs. She called last night to tell me about it, and also to mention her fervent wish that she not get canned from job number 2 for sleeping with her 22-year-old co-worker, Eric. Who we'll call Derek, for privacy and non-cannation's sake. She seems to believe that her boss will can her if he finds out she slept with Derek. "It's happened before," she said, ominously, leading to the obvious question, "How many coworkers has Derek been to bed with?" "MANY," she answered, "More than one. More than two." So... my advice to her is to maintain an optimistic attitude, eliminate negative terms from her vocabulary, and repeat helpful, positive phrases like, "Continued, lucrative employment!" and "Promotion, recognition, excellent dental plan!" My theory is that if you think the phrase, "I hope I don't get canned," the word "canned" gets stuck in your head, and then it happens.

As for Eric, I mean Derek, I advised that she should concentrate on the phrases "Continued gentlemanly discreet tactful behavior!" and "Boss oblivion." I make these phrases up as I go, but I'm hoping they'll work. It's worth a shot.

So, you guys, help us out, here. Uncle Peter needs a job, probably not in a porn shop, and Scarlett needs to not get canned. Get concentrating! I have faith that with a little bit of focus, our combined efforts can become a Treasured Memory.



Star of the day. . .
posted @ 3:33 p.m. on 12.08.04 before | after

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She lay awake all night,

zzzzzzzzzzz......